Singles Group / Advice & Articles

SINGLES ADVICE COLUMN -   Write Riana if you have a particular question you would like answered please email Riana at Singles@rianamilne.com, and type in the space bar - Advice Section/Singles. Watch for your answer to be printed HERE on this page shortly after receipt of your letter!

Question for January answered:

Dear Riana: I seem to get so depressed during January - it's cold, there is no holiday to celebrate, Singles seem to be shut in and hidden away, and friends are out of cash from the holiday season so they don't want to go out. I have no energy and can barely get out of bed - how can I meet someone when all I think about is how sad and lonely my life is? Sleepy and Sad in Seattle

Dear Sleepy: Wake Up and smell the roses - it's almost Vlaentine's Day! : ) Now is the PEFECT time to start working on YOU - making yourself Fabulous - work out, get in shape, eat healhier, take vitamins, Read motivational and inspirational books by Spiritual Masters (see my book recommendation list!) You have a whole month to get yourself looking great -- now - get on the computer and sign up for various Dating sites and write a very positive profile, stating as much as you can - and be factual! No lies - and No negativity! The more exact you are, the more the perfect person for you - will be attracted to you. Get some professional photos done - a Headshot, jean shot, and glamour look - with a plain background - and NO cheesy sexual shots - or you will attract the wrong kind of guy! Be slective, and YOU do the choosing - and write several guy's who profiles you like - be cautious though - MANY people LIE on dating sites! But weed them out - and then, go out! If the person is not right for you - keep it a "one and done" and don't waste each other's time. If you see potential - go for a 2nd and 3rd date - but you should know by the 3rd date if a potential for something more serious exists. By all means, DON'T sleep with the guy! Save that for the one you choose to be exclusive with! My suggestion - wait at least 90 days to Make Love - AND for him to tell you that he Loves you....and not a day sooner!

Dear Riana: I am so paranoid that as I get older, I won't meet a nice man for an exclusive relationship leading to marriage. Either the men want young women - if they are successful and earn a good living - or - they don't want to marry to protect what they have from years of working. HOW exactly, do you find a man who will commit to marriage in his later years? Frustrated in Florida

Dear Frustrated: First of all, you need to be aware that successful women who also have worked hard to build themselves a nice lifestyle are also reluctant to marry at an older age if they think they would loose what they have. Successful women often date younger men who do not want a committment  - for friendship, fun, and sexual companionship - so it's farely equal in regards to your question. Because of the tough economy, Singles of both sexes have to be extremely cautious in whom they choose to marry - going for "an equal" in all ways - education level, occupational success, financial security and income, lifestyle preference, age and hobbies, and more. What do you BOTH bring to the table?? It is extremely important to have a Pre-Nuptial AND/OR a Co-habitation agreement once you decide to make a commitment to one another and choose to live together. You can get a free template on www.SuzeOrmon.com and then tailor it to meet your specific needs - state who will pay what, split the utilities, and if there is a break-up - the owner of the home retains the property and all contents - with the partner that moved in - agreeing to leave within 30 days, and leaving with the property they came with (and list these items). Everything should be spelled out nice and clear. This will give both parties the confidence they need to move forward with minimum risk. By all means, do NOT rush a marriage - take your time, because in your later years, you want the marriage to last forever. I suggest an engagment BEFORE living together, and up to 5 years of exclusive dating before entering into marriage. By then, you both will be clear this relationship is right for you. Both men and women of success DO want life partners, exclusivity, and/or a spouse - as long as they feel protected in case of a break up.

Questions for December answered:

Dear Riana: It's the Holiday again, and this year - as last year, I am alone and absolutely hate it. How do I get thru this time or year without severe depression? I just count the hours Christmas day until it is over. My family members all live far away. What do you suggest? Holiday Heartache

Dear Heartache: Start by Celebrating the Wonder of YOU! Go out and shop for yourself - buy something smashing to wear, buy something that's new for your home (new bedding, candles, or Jazz music), and bring in some great goodies for you to eat (make cookies, have a great red wine as you cook a favorite dinner item). See if you can invite over another single friend - maybe someone from the past?? If you can't think of anyone to get together with, it often feels great to help out at a Nursing Home or to volunteer to feed the homeless - it puts in perspective how Blessed you actually are, and makes your heart feel good! Or, if you are able, fly off for a few days and treat yourself to a sunny beach vacation, or take yourself to a great Singles chalet for a day of skiing! Chat it up with some new people you meet there, and keep open mind to a new, terrific romance. Fall in love with yourself first, all over again, by making yourself feel special...then get yourself psyched up to prepare for a Happier New Year. Start by watching the DVD of "The Secret" to learn the power of postive thinking...and also buy yourself a new book to motivate you for postive changes in the New year!

Dear Riana: I have just started dating someone for a month now - it's going along pretty well, but I am not sure if I should invest a lot in a gift - as we are not yet exclusive. I really like this guy, and hope for a lot more - should I wow him with somthing really special? Super Santa

Dear Santa: Actually, you should be really honest with each other and ask what he may like to do for the holidays. Suggest meeting for drinks, and see if he suggests dinner. Give a small, token gift that could be meaningful - but not an over the top expensive, or too romantic of a gift. For example, if he lost his favorite baseball cap, get him a new one - or a jersey of his favorite football team, or the new CD of his favorite group. A cute, funny card, not a loving card is best. "A little something" is best, in case he doesn't supply a gift for you this year. Most important, just have fun!