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Media Questions for Riana Milne, MA, LPC, SAC, LCADC, Certified Relationship Coach (12/2006)

Author of - WATCH ME! The Bold New Motivational Attitude for Personal Success

Riana, what inspired you to write this book?

I have wanted to write this book since I was very young. One of my best childhood friends, Michael Marcucci, was killed by a drunk driver when we were just 16, and his loss inspired me to rethink my life as being a very precious gift. I started setting mini-goals to accomplish all my dreams, and turned very spiritual at that time.

When I had my Model & Talent Agency and School at age 27, I had just overcome some very difficult emotional and financial struggles, and started that business with only the first months rent and a dream. It became a three-time, International Award winning School & Talent agency. I taught my models and actors from the small town of Erie, PA how to compete against talent from major cities around the world using The WATCH ME Attitude to succeed. They used this method to learn how to be chosen to be signed with large-market and world-wide model and talent agencies. The attitude and its lessons really worked for them! It was then I felt I really needed to write the book because the techniques worked for many people at various ages and stages in life. I found it also worked for my own children, business people, and those that needed inspiration and healing during difficult times.

I asked my youngest daughter, Alexi Danielle Panos, to add her own chapters to the book, as she reached a high degree of success with her own singing and modeling career using The "Watach Me" Attitudes and lessons that are mentioned in the book. She has been using this method since being a young girl who was trained at my talent school. Alexi sings on two Multi-platinum CD’s with JaRule (a multi-grammy award winning singer), she has been in over 17 fashion magazines, seen on TV – including CNN’s ShowBiz Tonight and BET’s "Rip the Runway", has appeared in over 7 Music Videos, and has Hosted several TV shows. I always believe young people like to learn from other young people, so I asked Alexi to tell about her experiences and how The WATCH ME Attitude helped her. (Today, in 2011, Alexi is 27 and is the Host of her own TV series on the National show, HGTV "Run My Makeover!" Home Design show, and models daily in NYC for multiple designers, including Kenneth Cole. She is also CEO of the EPIC Charity, has put 6 fresh water wells in Tanzania Africa, with 3 more being built. See www.epicthemovement.org for more information on the EPIC project.)

Since we are both very spiritual people, and keeping with the message of the book about living for your highest purpose, we decided to help others by donating partial proceeds of every book to our two charities – The Riana Milne Scholarship Fund for the Performing Arts, and Alexi’s Charity, EPIC – (Everyday People Initiating Change). $1 of every book goes to both EPIC and the Arts Fund.

Directions on How to apply for the Scholarship Fund are in the book and this web site.

Sure! First of all – it is important to understand The WATCH ME Attitude is not about achieving personal success with anger, defiance, or revenge – just the opposite – it is an enlightening internal process to discovering your Best Self and Higher Purpose in life through using Motivational and Spiritual Psychological techniques which include learning various lessons.

Five of these are ---

1) Using the Lessons of the 5 D’s to Achieve your Dreams – Desire, Dedication, Determination, Devotion & Dare to Dream! This was a lesson taught to me by my father as a young girl. Each of these must be in place to reach your goals. Strong desire to BE something, a determination to do what it takes to learn what to do to become that person, devotion is the spirituality and purpose put behind it - because if it helps the greater good, you will be Blessed to Acheive it. You must be dedicated over the growth process and be patient with each step that it takes to become what you desire - and you must Dare to Dream Big! Why live small in a world that offers so much potential? You are only limited by your own dreams and desire.

2) One chapter talks about using Progressive Goal Setting in a step-by-step process. You set three mini-goals to do each day – 3 things you must get done. Then you set weekly goals, monthly goals, and 6-month goals. This helps one to develop a keen focus and an organized manner to get to your dreams. For example, with Alexi, she dreamed of being a pop star as a young girl. How did she go from A to Z with that dream? It all starts with setting mini goals – like getting her a singing coach, having her read books about the industry, doing school plays to build her resume, and so forth. Once she reached that dream, it naturally led to her next dream - that of making a difference and changing the world. At age 20, after being on a world tour as a singer, she started the EPIC charity after seeing the devistation in Africa while on tour. She saw young children and adults dying due to water-born illnesses, and knew the importance of getting fresh water to them to help them survive.

3) Another Chapter talks about Balance in Life. For example, picture an equilateral triangle – all three sides should be equal in different spheres of your life. Here are 2 examples – in one’s Life – balance should be equal for Self, Family/Partner, and Work. If one works too much – the triangle is not balanced, and the two other areas suffer – like relationships between your partner and your children, as well as your own wellness and sence of happiness will suffer with stress and burn-out from being over-worked. 

Another Triangle mentioned is that within one’s Self – there needs to be balance between one’s mind-body & soul/spirit to feel happy and a deep sense of peace in life. So if one over eats, fails to continue to read & learn, or does not nurture their soul with the practice of their higher power; then their sense of personal success will suffer. And personal success in my book refers to inner peace, contentment, and a feeling of personal accomplishment. It is not about money or material wealth. You will have all you need to live a rich life if you practice all the techniques in the book.

4) Another lesson is about How to have an Evolved, Loving & Healthy Relationship mentioned in detail in the Couples Chapter. As a Psychotherapist with my own Private practice called Therapy by the Sea – which is located in Egg Harbor Township, NJ – I work with many couples in toxic relationships. This of course, affects their children, their ability to work and their sense of personal happiness. I list the traits one should look for in a healthy partner in this chapter. Some items are – there is no anger or addictions, they are kind-hearted – not mean spirited, they are a great communicator with their feelings, and they have great personal values and morals, high character, integrity, and mood management, to name a few.

5) Of course the chapter on Spirituality is very important. One must be morally grounded and believe in a Higher Power – practing meditation or prayer every day - not only when times get tough. It is what will get you throughdifficult times and help you to stay focused on the changes you will need to become strong and solid again. We are supposed to be challenged in life – it is what we do with those challenges that define who we are as a person -- ultimately, which leads to defining our levels of success. When you are spiritual, the life lessons that come to you in this "earth school" are looked at differently. It gives you a sense of calm when change happens, because you look at "the winds of change" as something that is suppose to happen to move you to a higher plane of acheivement.

I see that the target reading audience is age 13 and up; and that you have one chapter specifically written to teenagers – what could a teenager learn from your book?

I think children and teens are brilliant – they are brutally honest and express their feelings well; that is why I love working with them. I write about some of my challenges I had as a teen – being teased and bullied, being shy, feeling “not good enough” when compared to others. I tell them how I got over all these negative feelings. Alexi explains how she achieved her dreams that she had as a teenager; despite great odds and huge competition in the singing and modeling industries. All teens have dreams of what they want to be – I teach them to trust their intuition and goals and go for it! I also help them to negotiate what freedoms they hope to have from their parents as they mature. Many teens get angry because they don't feel adults respect their feelings or ideas. They feel "put down" which leads to depression, bad choices, and destructive habits - including seeking romantic partners to give them the self-esteem they crave.

Instead, by going deep into their own minds and spirit and developing The "Watch Me" Attitude, they become refocused in a postive way to reach their dreams and goals - despite what others feel about it. The levels of achievement they reach in school, the arts, at work, and in life are incredible - and there is no way destructive or negative people or acts will lure them away from their goals - they are that focused. It is amazing to see this happen! And they fall in love with their successful life - which snowballs as they become young adults - I have seen this happen with both Alexi, and my older daughter, Stephana.

Stephana Panos is also very accomplished. At 28, she has her own Photography business (www.sonaphotography.com) and is a Trainer and Supervisor for Jet Blue Airlines in Orlando, Fl. She writes all the in-Flight Curriculum for the Jet Blue staff. She took her talents she loved and nurtured while young - of writing, acting, and photography and turned them into a lucrative business tract for herself. At age 20, she was managing a top restaurant in Santa Barbara, moved on to manage a Night Club at Universal Studios, became an Accountant for the huge company, Midnight Oil, then was hired by Jet Blue airlines. Within months of being a Flight attendant, she was asked to be a trainer. Soon after she was promoted to Trainer-Supervisor, then asked to write the Curriculum - all this by the age of 25. Along this path, she also developed her own photography business.

Stephana only had two years of college, Alexi had none. So, college is not the answer to being successful for young people. Sure, it can help. But what is most important is the lessons taught to your children that are "Life Skills" that are mentioned in the Parenting chapter. I raised my girls as a single mom using these methods, and I am proud to say, my girls are amazing!

One of my favorite techniques is part of the Positive Parenting Skills I write about. It’s called The Star Chart for children and Allowance Chart for teens. This is how it works –

Five chores are chosen for the chart – things parents normally nag their children about – like doing their homework as soon as they get home, cleaning their room, getting good grades, or feeding the dog – and so on. Do the chart for 6 days – so the child can earn a total of 30 stars. But because no one is perfect, if they reach 24/30 stars for the week, they get a reward at the end of the week. Teens get an allowance, and the younger kids can get something they collect; or a special outing with mom. It really works – and it teaches responsibility as well as they get a payment for a job well done. With time, these "extrinsic rewards" become intrinsic – meaning they want to get good grades, do their chores and other responsibilities for personal pride and because it makes them feel good.

Positive discipline is important because nothing is ever taught with anger or hitting – you are only teaching violence. Remember the word discipline means – “To teach.” Many parents resort to yelling, not teaching. Remember, what you do as parents are teaching your children coping styles. If you and your spouse yell at each other to solve a problem, you will grow a child into a yelling teenager. If you punish by hitting or with other severe and unfair methods, you will teach a child to lie - hoping with a 50%  shot that they can "get away with it" - to avoid the harsh punishment. Teach them, and make them feel safe to tell you anything - and you will grow responsible, loving children who are secure with the truth; and when they make mistakes, can readily admit it. There are a lot more parenting lessons that really work along with these few in the book.

You were a SAC – Student Assistance Counselor – at various schools for all grade levels in NJ. How does what you do in your school classrooms or counseling center relate to what you write in your book? What are some of the programs you put into place that you feel are working with your students, and why?

Well, I used the Star Chart for the elementary children who act up in class and it worked great. Also, I used Meditation Therapy – sitting quietly and doing deep breathing to calm, piano or classical music – for my ADHD students, which also proved to work extremely well. Both of these methods are mentioned in the book.

Some of the programs I developed for my Winslow School students in Vineland are – Stand Up for Friendship! – that program is for Anti-bullying and Anti-violence education. It also teaches the children to tap into one another’s feelings, talk things over, and to negotiate peacefully a solution that could work for both of them. Bullying has really decreased since the program was in place at Winslow. The students also knew they had strong staff support on that issue. We set up a tier program, with Peer Mediators, Classroom Captains, myself and the other Counselors as the "go to" people when there is a problem. They learned many life skills that also helped eliminate Bullying.

Alexi and her co-founder of EPIC, Tennille, taught the Winslow School 5th grade & LEAP students about EPIC - Everyday People Initiating Change – that as young people, everyone can do something to make their world a better place. They shared their experience of working in a school in Tanzania, Africa over the summer, and the children learned about the many challenges of a 3rd world country, as well as gained a new appreciation for all the things they have here in America. Many students wrote very heart-felt letters to the girls after they left about what they learned. You could really see the children changing in appreciate their homes and world in Vineland, NJ.

I also taught Character Ed to all the 4th, 5th and 6th grade students. I used many of the Stand Up! principals from the WATCH ME Attitude – where one has to be brave and Stand Up for what they believe to be good and right for themselves and others. For the lesson on “Fairness” I used the example of Dr. Martin King and how he chose to Stand Up! peacefully and realized his dream of equality for all people in America. He is a great example of someone who lived with a WATCH ME Attitude! Using other wonderful examples from history helped to bring the Stanp Up! and Watch Me! principals to life for the students.

As a SAC Counselor, I also taught Drug and Alcohol Prevention class for Red Ribbon Week every October. Many of the students at the elementary level are not using drugs themselves, but suffer the repercussions of family members who use or are addicted. Since I am also a licensed drug and alcohol counselor, and I worked and taught in several Rehab Centers, including one in Atlantic City for women from the prison system with addiction issues; I understand both sides of the stories – how both the parents and the children suffer the emotional losses of their families. After that school-wide prevention presentation, about 1/3 of the students self-referred themselves to come talk with me about their family’s concerns.

It is very important that parents and staff understand that when a child is emotionally upset about things happening at home, they cannot focus on their schoolwork. They are too pre-occupied. It was really excellent that the Vineland School District recognized the emotional need in their children and had hired a good amount of Student Assistance Counselors; because when a child feels emotionally happy and safe, then they can relax enough to learn. (Unfortunately, many schools, including Vineland, NJ laid-off their SAC Counselors due to budget reasons. If schools were smart, they would hire them back - and more - one for each school, so that all the emotional crises and bullying would be handeled correctly on a daily basis, thus making an emotionally safe, school environment that will absolutely lead to higher academic achievement!)

Another important note: Bullies are children in pain. There must a highly qualified Counselor with a Psychology background and Counseling experience on staff to help these kids process their pain so they don't take their anger out on other stsudents. If a Bully is treated with love and respect (which is often severly lacking at home), they can hugely change their ways, and actually, become a leader!

This was the idea behind my Talent Club in my Vineland Elementary school. Many children of poverty or homes with chaos take to the arts to get positive attention - whether through singing, acting, dancing, drawing and the like. I created Talent Club to be "an honor" to belong, and one had to have grades of a "C" or better, have no detentions or suspensions, and they had to focus enough to create an act with which to audition to make the club. When they had talent show practice, all the kids of the school watched during lunch time and cheered them on, giving huge positive attention to the kids. They didn't want to loose this status, thus, keeping their grades up and their behavior in tact. Other kids looked up to them, so now - they felt like leaders. I got their picture in the paper, so now the community was aware of their talent. Even better, we had a donation of ticket sales to a needy community group - which taught them the EPIC meaning of "Every Day People Creative Change!" These kids felt how good it was to make a difference in other's lives, and thus, become a leader and a successful member of their community.

This concept of using Talent to increase Self-esteem and Academic Success and decrease High Risk Behaviors is the model used in my Thesis in Graduate School. I can absolutely tell you - using this concept with The "Watch Me" Attitude - works in changing the lives of young people!

(The above Interview took place for a TV Show, "Our Schools" seen on Vineland Public Television in 12/2006 which can be viewed in this Book section; click - TV Show about "Watch Me!" Book).