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Media Questions for Riana Milne, MA, LPC, SAC, LCADC, Certified Coach

Author of - WATCH ME! The Bold New Motivational Attitude for Personal Success

Riana, what inspired you to write this book?

I have wanted to write this book since I was very young. My best friend, at age 16 was killed by a drunk driver, and his loss inspired me to rethink my life as being very precious and a gift. I started setting mini-goals to accomplish all my dreams, and turned very spiritual at that time.

When I had my Model & Talent Agency and School at age 27, I had just overcome some very difficult emotional and financial struggles, and started that business with only the first months rent and a dream. It became a 3x International Award winning school & talent agency. I taught my models and actors from the small town of Erie, PA how to compete against talent from major cities using the WATCH ME Attitude to succeed and how to be chosen to be signed with large-market and world-wide model and talent agencies. The attitude and its lessons really worked for them. It was then I felt I really needed to write a book because the techniques worked for many people at various ages and stages in life.

I asked my youngest daughter, Alexi Panos, to add her own chapters to the book, as she reached a high degree of success with her own singing, acting, modeling, and dancing career using the Attitudes and lessons I taught her from the book. She has been using this method since being a young girl trained at my talent school. Alexi sings on two Multi-platinum CD’s with JaRule, has been in over 17 fashion magazines, seen on TV – including CNN’s ShowBiz Tonight and BET’s Rip the Runway, has appeared in over 7 Music Videos, and has done several TV pilots. I always believe young people like to learn from other young people, so I asked Alexi to tell about her experiences and how the WATCH ME Attitude helped her.

Since we are both very spiritual people, and keeping with the message of the book about living for your highest purpose, we decided to help others by donating partial proceeds of every book to our two charities – The Riana Milne Scholarship Fund for the Performing Arts, and Alexi’s EPIC Charity – Everyday People Initiating Change.

Directions on how to apply for the Scholarship Fund are in the book.

First of all – it is important to understand the WATCH ME Attitude is not about achieving personal success with anger, defiance, or revenge – just the opposite – it is an enlightening internal process to discovering your Best Self and Higher Purpose in life through using motivational and Spiritual psychological techniques which include learning various lessons. Five of these are ---

Using the lessons of the 5 D’s to achieve your dreams – Desire, Dedication, Determination, Devotion & Dare to Dream! This was a lesson taught to me by my father as a young girl.

One chapter talks about using progressive goal setting in a step-by-step process. You set three mini-goals to do each day – 3 things you must get done. Then you set weekly goals, monthly goals, and 6-month goals. This helps one to develop a keen focus and an organized manner to get to your dreams. For example, with Alexi, she dreamed of being a pop star as a young girl. How did she go from A to Z with that dream? It all starts with setting mini goals – like getting her a singing coach, having her read books about the industry, doing school plays to build her resume, and so forth.

Another Chapter talks about balance in life. For example, picture an equilateral triangle – all three sides should be equal in different spheres of your life. Here are 2 examples – in one’s Life – balance should be equal for Self, Family/Partner, and Work. If one works too much – the triangle is not balanced, and the two other areas suffer – like relationships between your partner and your children, as well as your own wellness will suffer with stress and burn-out.

Another Triangle mentioned is that within one’s Self – there needs to be balance between one’s mind-body & soul to feel happy and peace in life. So if one over eats, fails to continue to read & learn, or does not nurture their soul with practice of their higher power; then their sense of personal success will suffer. And personal success in my book refers to inner peace, contentment, and a feeling of personal accomplishment. It is not about money or material wealth.

Another lesson is about having an Evolved or healthy relationship mentioned in detail in the Couples Chapter. As a psychotherapist with my own practice called Therapy by the Sea – which is located in Egg Harbor Township – I work with many couples in toxic relationships. This of course, affects their children, their ability to work and their sense of personal happiness. I list the traits one should look for in a healthy partner in this chapter. Some items are – there is no anger or addictions, they are kind-hearted – not mean spirited, they are a great communicator with their feelings, and they have great personal values, character, and mood management, to name a few.

5) Of course the chapter on Spirituality is very important. One must be morally grounded and believe in a higher power –when times get tough. It is what will get you through and help you to stay focused on the changes you will need to do to become strong and solid again. We are supposed to be challenged in life – it is what we do with those challenges that define who we are as a person -- ultimately, defining our levels of success.

I see that the target reading audience is age 13 and up; and that you have one chapter specifically written to teenagers – what could a teenager learn from your book?

I think children and teens are brilliant – they are brutally honest and express their feelings well; that is why I love working with them. I write about some of my challenges I had as a teen – being teased, being shy, feeling “not good enough” when compared to others. I tell them how I got over all these negative feelings. Alexi explains how she achieved her dreams that she had as a teenager; despite great odds and huge competition. All teens have dreams of what they want to be – I teach them to trust their intuition and goals and go for it! I also help them to negotiate what freedoms they hope to have from their parents as they mature.

One of my favorite techniques is part of the Positive Parenting Skills I write about. It’s called The Star Chart for children and Allowance Chart for teens. This is how it works –

Five chores are chosen for the chart – things parents normally nag their children about – like doing their homework as soon as they get home, cleaning their room, getting good grades, or feeding the dog – and so on. Do the chart for 6 days – so the child can earn a total of 30 stars. But because no one is perfect, if they reach 24/30 stars for the week, they get a reward at the end of the week. Teens get an allowance, and the younger kids can get something they collect; or a special outing with mom. It really works – and it teaches responsibility as well as they get a payment for a job well done. With time, these extrinsic rewards become intrinsic – meaning they want to get good grades, do their chores and other responsibilities for personal pride and it makes them feel good.

Positive discipline is important because nothing is ever taught with anger or hitting – you are only teaching violence. Remember the word discipline means – “To teach.”

You were a SAC – Student Assistance Counselor – at various schools for all grade levels in NJ. How does what you do in your school classrooms or counseling center relate to what you write in your book? What are some of the programs you put into place that you feel are working with your students, and why?

Well, I used the Star Chart for the elementary children who act up in class and it worked great. Also, I used Meditation Therapy – sitting quietly and doing deep breathing to calm, piano or classical music – for my ADHD students, which also proves to work well. Both of these methods are mentioned in the book.

Some of the programs I developed for my Winslow School in Vineland are – Stand Up for Friendship! – that program is for anti-bullying and anti-violence education. It also teaches the children to tap into one another’s feelings, talk things over, and to negotiate peacefully a solution that could work for both of them. Bullying has really decreased since the program was in place at Winslow. They also know they have strong staff support here on that issue.

Alexi and her co-founder Tennille, taught the Winslow School 5th grade & LEAP students about EPIC - Everyday People Initiating Change – that as young people, everyone can do something to make their world a better place. They shared their experience of working in a school in Tanzania, Africa over the summer, and the children learned about the many challenges of a 3rd world country, as well as gained a new appreciation for all the things they have here in America. Many students wrote very heart-felt letters to the girls after they left about what they learned.

I also taught Character Ed to all the 4th & 5th grade students. I used many of the Stand Up! principals from the WATCH ME Attitude – where one has to be brave and Stand Up for what they believe to be good and right. For the lesson on “Fairness” I used the example of Dr. Martin King and how he chose to Stand Up peacefully and realized his dream of equality for all people in America. He is a great example of someone who lived with a WATCH ME Attitude!

As a SAC Counselor, I also taught every October Drug and Alcohol Prevention class for Red Ribbon Week. Many of the students at the elementary level are not using drugs themselves, but suffer the repercussions of family members who use or are addicted. Since I am also a licensed drug and alcohol counselor, and I worked and taught in several Rehab Centers, including one in Atlantic City for women from the prison system with addiction issues; I understand both sides of the stories – how both the parents and the children suffer the emotional losses of their families. After that school-wide prevention presentation, about 1/3 of the students self-referred themselves to come talk with me about their family’s concerns.

It is very important that parents and staff understand that when a child is emotionally upset about things happening at home, they cannot focus on their schoolwork. They are too pre-occupied. It was really excellent that the Vineland School District recognized the emotional need in their children and had hired a good amount of Student Assistance Counselors; because when a child feels emotionally happy and safe, then they can relax enough to learn.